"I'm Always Right, You're Always Wrong" Paradox

A painter paints a wall within a house. He has difficulty with the quality of the paint, and informs his boss of the problem.

Now, let's change the scenario: the painter calls in sick, his assistant paints the wall, encounters the same problems, and reports it to the boss. The next day, the painter comes in. After being told about yesterday's problems, the painter boasts, "I wouldn't have had any problems. The paint would've worked fine on my brush!"

So, the problem is legitimate if the painter encounters it. If the assistant encounters the same problem, then the assistant is incompetent in the painter's eyes, and declares it out loud. The boss, not having time to investigate the problem fully, reprimands the assistant.

Another example:

An editor for a major traditional publishing house reviews a manuscript from a popular author. He finds several chapters that need major rewriting ... he makes his notes and sends it back to the author for a rewrite.

Now, let's change things ... let's say the editor called in sick that day, and another editor reviewed the book. The other editor finds essentially the same problems with the manuscript and has it sent back to the author.

The next day, the editor comes in and finds out what happened. He boasts that he could've "Massaged the manuscript ... worked with what the author had sent ... now we have to delay release of the new book! I would've done a better job!" Needless to say, the other editor is reprimanded. Upper management believes the editor to be productive, and do not question his boasts.

"Let's Hire/Give a Raise" Paradox

The Director of the Cleveland office wants to track birthdays and throw parties once a month during lunch to boost employee morale. She decides to hire three people whose sole purpose in life is to plan parties and other special events (holidays, charity events, etc.). They add no productive value ... and although the events are supposed to boost morale, they only promote cynicism, because EVERYONE knows that these three people make more money than ten of the people manning the phones.

There isn't really a paradox ... I suppose I could imagine a scenario where certain employees are given the additional responsibilities those three people were given, along with raises to compensate for the added workload (which, for productive employees, amounts to about two hours of work per week). I suppose we could argue that the employees would, after awhile, become dissatisfied with the extra money and tracking of birthdays ... longing for the days of three people whose sole purpose was to do these trivial things.

This 2nd scenario is pointless, because 1. employees, in my experience, rarely get raises for added responsibilities they could handle, when a brand new person earning an exorbitant salary and benefits package is an option, and 2. the reality is birthday parties do not boost morale. Practical things people can use, like bonuses, paid time off, free meals (notice meals are practical, whereas birthday parties are not), free cars, gift cards to Wal-Mart ... things like this would actually help increase loyalty.

"Time is Relative" Paradox

"Planes, Trains, and Automobile was a great movie."

"Oh. That movie came out a long time ago."

"What? It came out in the 80's!"

"Yeah ... I don't like to watch old movies...."

"The 80's weren't that long ago...."

So, one person's "Recent" is another person's "Long time ago." Einstein was right -- time is relative.

"Man out of Jail" Paradox

A criminal is released from prison. During an interview with a journalist, said criminal reveals that a famous actor, "Cheated on his taxes."

There were rumors that this actor was in trouble with the IRS ... and this criminal just happens to be a former accountant with the firm that handled the actor's affairs. So, the journalist runs with the story. The next day a headline appears in the newspaper he writes for: "Actor Cheated on Taxes, says Former Accountant," and the news spreads around the world. The fact that the accountant is also a felon is glossed over.

Now, let's take the same criminal ... the same circumstances with the actor rumored to be investigated by the IRS ... and this time, when the criminal is released from prison, he tells the same journalist, "The actor is innocent. I know, because I was there. He didn't cheat on his taxes."

This time, the journalist writes a piece critical of the criminal: "Felon claims Actor didn't Cheat on Taxes," a negative headline followed by a negative skeptical article.

Do you see the paradox? If the criminal validates the rumor, the MEDIA believes his words. If the criminal refutes the allegations, the MEDIA turns a skeptical eye towards the felon and says, "Consider the source. How can we believe a felon just released from prison?"

Just to add to the paradox: in the first example, the accountant gets a seven-figure book deal, and is interviewed on 60 Minutes and Oprah. In the second example, the same accountant becomes a minor footnote in history, forgotten by the mass MEDIA and most of the general public -- except for the few readers of the DailySkew, who take careful note of such things.

Rich Man's Paradox (Or, the grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there)

A poor boy dreams of being rich and having everything he desires. He grows up and becomes a wealthy businessman. The world is his oyster. Servants are at his beckon call. Hot women left and right. Whatever.

He has it all ... and becomes frustrated with it. He becomes "bored" by all the choices. The freedom to do whatever he wants becomes a prison of choices. His ability to do everything constrains him from doing anything.

A few miles away, in all directions, millions struggle to achieve the wealth the rich man has acquired, so they can live that life....

So ... people struggle for something that, in the end, they won't want.

"Peace-maker Die" Paradox (Thank you, Extreme)

A person of peace comes along, fighting injustice and changing the world in his or her time. The person's life ends violently, either having to sacrifice his life to save the universe or victim of assassination/unjust death penalty sentence. Meanwhile, tyrants either remain in power until they die, or they rot away in exile or prison, never fully receiving the punishment they deserve. In either case, they live passed the average human life span.

Deletion Paradox

You accidentally delete files from your computer, and you are screwed because Norton utilities can't bring the file back. You call your friends and they can't get the file back. Everyone agrees if you deleted a file, and it wasn't protected, you're a goner.

BUT people always say that the FBI can retrieve ANYTHING from your computer, that EVERY file is burned onto your hard drive. So if you download porn, all of your friends will tell you that its *still* on your computer. BUT if you accidentally delete an important file, they will tell you the bad news- that it is irretrievable.

Microfiche Paradox

Customer sends me microfiche to be destroyed.
I dump them in the middle of the ocean.
Customer goes crazy because I did not follow standard procedures by using a crematory. In his mind, I did not destroy the fiche.

BUT let's pretend the scenario is different. If they actually NEEDED the microfiche and had it sent to us as *important* cargo, but the fiche accidentally fell into ocean (but was quickly retrieved) they would say that the fiche IS destroyed and unusable.

Try to follow the logic: dumping microfiche in the ocean is NOT destroying it, but it IS destroying it.
The fact that the customer NEEDED the fiche in the second example makes the act of dumping fiche different than the first example- even though the action is exactly the same.

Sleep Paradox

I don't get more than five hours sleep a day for a few days. Then, one blessed day, I get eight or more hours of rest. I wake up feeling more tired and sluggish than in the previous few days!

Vacation Paradox

After a period of great stress, I need a vacation. In the initial stages of "decompressing," I find that I am more irritable and agitated than I was when I was under a lot of stress.

Much like a man who has been deep-sea diving, I must emotionally decompress slowly if I am to avoid blowing up emotionally.

Opinion Paradox

I hate strong opinions, particularly when those opinions are stated as fact. However, I also have strong opinions on certain subjects, and believe they are facts not to be questioned by insolent fools.

There are no right or wrong opinions. Just opinions. From billions of people.